Alex's Latest

Alex has had some gems recently, not least among them declaring his status as "guest:"

"Mom, which one is the guest, me or Duncan?"

"Neither of you, because you both live here."

"No. One of us has to be the guest. But Duncan is too bossy to be the guest."

"He's too bossy to be the guest?"

"Yup--so I will have to be the guest."

"OK. What does that mean, then?"

"It means we do whatever I say."

"Soooooo, Duncan is too bossy to be the guest so you get to have people do whatever YOU say?"

"Yeah!"

Then there was the singing banana at cousin Hannah's--Alex took part of the peel and moved it up and down singing the Alleluia chorus. Even when the peel went away, the gusto with which he continued to sing in a banana voice (I bet you didn't think bananas had voices, but they do) was very amusing.

But today he showed some of his now-becoming-usual logic in greeting a child who once upon a time while visiting our house stripped down to her diaper. Little Catherine is the youngest of seven, is six months or so younger than Duncan, but has nerve, charm and personality enough to spare. Today I picked her up after dropping Alex off at preschool so she and Dunc could play, and this week I wanted to stay out and about so Timmy didn't sleep until after we were home from the pick-up part. So we went to Shoprite and got some snacks and groceries (they were much more excited about the bagels and raisins than the raw chicken cutlets--probably just as well) and then played at the playground and then walked back over to school to get Alex. (In case you're worried, yes, I brought along an insulated bag for the chicken and other perishables.)

When Alex emerged from the depths of the Early Childhood Center, he squinted and blinked as I told him Catherine was over on the grass and then took off to greet her. She, of course, assumed he wanted to chase, and kept running away. FINALLY, after several false starts in which Alex caught up to her at the stroller and took a deep breath to say, "So, Catherine, so nice to--" before she ran off again and he'd take a tired little sigh of a breath and go off after her, I was able to keep her by the stroller and convince her and Dunc we were going to the car now so that Alex could get out a full sentence.

"So, Catherine, hi, it's nice to see you here getting me from my preschool. Are you going to get naked at my house today?"

I cut in at this point. "Alex, we don't ask people to get naked at our house. Technically, we don't ask people about getting naked in general."

"But, but MOM, she DID get naked at our house before."

"Yes, and that was fine, she's a little kid, and if it should happen again that wouldn't be a big deal, but we don't ASK her to do it, or if she's thinking of doing it."

"But My Friend Jacob likes to DANCE naked when I go to his house,
and that's OK."

"Yes, but you shouldn't ask him to dance naked--if he happens to do so, that's fine if his mom says so."

"But I wasn't asking her to get naked--I just asked her IF she was going to get naked."

"Still not polite to bring it up." (Anyone have a better word to suggest than "polite" in this situation?)

So we went back to the car, got four kids into four car seats, gave out two water bottles, two half-remaining bagels, two boxes of raisins, one sippy cup, and one good pout because I hadn't gotten Alex a PLAIN bagel. For two years my kids have wanted nothing but cinnamon-raisin, and today Alex becomes a plain-preferring bagel purist. (Let's face it, if anyone can think a bagel from a NJ Shoprite is actually a bagel, he has no business telling me he's too picky to have just any old flavor of pretend bagel.) As I ignored him and started home, I caught the word "naked" coming from the second row, where Alex and Catherine were sitting.

"Alex, are you talking about her undressing again?"

"Um, no, not really. But Mom, if I, um, I wanted to say something,
I would need you to not hear, so I need you to put on earmuffs.
Mommy earmuffs."

"I don't have any earmuffs, Mommy-style or otherwise, dear."

"Hmm. But I need you not to hear."

"Not possible, sorry."

"Aw, MAN!" He spent a few moments staring out the window, then turned back to Catherine and said, "Catherine....do you...REMEMBER....when you took off your diaper at my house?"

Got me on a technicality. I'll have to forbid reminiscing about things it is impolite to ask about. But by the time we got home, Catherine's diaper didn't smell so great and Alex has lost all interest in whether or not it comes off now or ever in the future.