As some of you are aware, we have six kids.
Now, knowing we have six kids and fully grasping what it means to have six kids are two different things. Contrary to popular belief, fully grasping this fact does not necessarily mean that you assume the care of half a dozen children requires Herculean efforts or saintly patience at all times of the day or night--in fact, one aspect of having so many kids is learning very well how to avoid the former and having the perfect excuse to lack the latter.
It does mean that you realize that unless you need some special car seat for some ultra-special reason, one with six children will never spend over $100 for any car seat --such things are for those who can afford to buy into the idea that "best" or "safest on the market" means "only car seat that will keep your child alive" because they will purchase less than a dozen car and booster seats total during their kids' childhoods. (Unless a doctor orders me to buy a specific car seat or someone gives me a $200 Babies R Us gift card with a special legally binding requirement to spend it only on one car seat and not use it on a car seat, extra booster seat, and $75 worth of A&D and baby wipes, this will never happen in our household.)
It means you grasp the idea that vacuuming is almost always going to be a daily event, and showering (for either yourself or the kids) is not.
It means looking at a 4-lb chicken at the grocery store and thinking, "Since the oldest won't be home Wednesday night, that will feed the kids, now what will us parents eat?"
It means knowing that hats and mittens are not worth a battle if the kids refuse to wear them because kids get sick from germs, not cold--no child in the company of an adult is going to allow themselves to freeze to death before they tell their parents at great length that they are cold, nor will any person in suburban NJ freeze going from front door to car or car door to school without having all surfaces covered in Polartec fleece, but people may die if any parent tries to win an outerwear argument with more than two kids.
Speaking of germs, it also means knowing full well that any doctor who looks at the mother of a healthy newborn sixth and can say, "Keep the baby away from other children and germs for 8 weeks" with a straight face is either an idiot, an academy-award-winning actor in his spare time, or has a gambling problem and is properly motivated by the pediatrician's pool that bets on who can convince a gullible parent of the longest "people-avoidance period" for a healthy newborn this month and can't resist taking a crack at you.
There is one surprising person who does not fully seem to grasp the fact that we have six kids.
My husband.
Oh, he knows how many kids he has. He can usually even name them all. He knows that if we're out with all the kids and are separated by more than ten feet and I call to him, "I have X!" that he had better have 6 minus X kids with him or we need to start worrying. But he does not fully grasp what it means to have six kids.
I know this because twice in the last month, after he has gone to the basement to get clothing or "swap" laundry on my orders, I have later gone down and found the washer--empty.
Let me make this very, very clear. We have six children and two dogs--there is no reason a working washer should EVER be empty. No matter what the hurry, there is a pile of laundry in arm's reach of the washer and dryer and it takes as little as 30 seconds to shove a load in and turn on the washer, and unless someone upstairs needs an ambulance (even then, if that person is me and I'm only in labor, I would still want a load put in) this is a required act every time one enters the basement and finds the washer not already running. Should there not be a large pile of dirty laundry in the basement, that means any combination of:
- There is a full hamper of dirty laundry upstairs.
- I am within two weeks of a due date and nesting to the point of keeping current with the laundry, so he had better find SOMETHING to make clean.
- Someone had better check the older kids' rooms on the third floor.
- All the clothes might possibly be done but if there isn't a full hamper upstairs or clothes hiding under beds then there are probably some very forgotten and very smelly sheets and blankets on some beds.
- My parents might have been visiting for more than a day and finished all the laundry--if they have left, wait ten minutes and the pile will reappear.
Of all the possible inefficiencies in a large household, and there are many in ours, nothing bothers me more than the sight of an empty washer. In an instant, I realize that my husband has NO CLUE what my life is like, NO IDEA what goes on in this house, NO CONCERN for his children, NO CONSIDERATION for his fellow man--this is not just being clueless, this is a huge slap in the face or a display of such mental deficiency that I should hesitate to let him drive on his own or have access to our bank accounts or credit cards.
"Swapping laundry" does not ever mean simply putting wet laundry into the dryer. "Get Cory's gym sweats from the dryer" also does not mean to simply go downstairs and retrieve the needed clothing item(s)--in both cases, taking a basket downstairs to take the clean, dry laundry out of the dryer to make room to dry the clean wet laundry that should ALWAYS exist in the washer to make room for the dirty laundry that one should ALWAYS put into the washer is, for someone with six kids, CLEARLY IMPLIED.
So, if anyone sees my husband today, please remind him he has six kids, take away his keys, wallet, and laptop, and then hit him--HARD--with the nearest heavy object.
