Little Nutcase Kids

You all know the story, "Guess How Much I Love You?" Little Nutbrown Hare tries to out-do Big Nutbrown Hare in describing his love, and each time that Big Nutbrown Hare one-ups him, adorably, even when the little guy falls asleep and he whispers that he'll love the little hare "to the moon--and back." Awwww...

Well, we aren't quite that adorable in this house.

(This is mostly fictional via exaggeration, but based on real live nutcases...)

Little Nutcase Kid: "Guess how much I love you?"

Big Nutcase Mom: "How much?"

LNK: "I love you so much that I will trust you not to kill me when I come home the day before a final without my textbook, my tests, or my notes to study from."

BNM: "Yeah? Well, I love you so much that I might possibly not kill you--AND still give you brownies for dessert. Unless you make those annoying repetitive noises at the table in an attempt to be funny--I keep telling you, it isn't funny, it's annoying."

LNK: "But it IS funny when the mouse from Narnia comes in to the room and says the funny line about--"

BNM: "Hey, don't you-who-forgot-his-books have something to say now that it's your turn?"

LNK: "Um, no."

BNM: "About how much you love me?"

Littler Nutcase Kid: "Mom, now that you love me--"

BNM: "I've loved you before now..."

Littler Nutcase Kid: "Oh, fine, now that I love you, I have something wonderful for you."

BNM: "Really? What is it?"

Littler NK: "A book, for you to read to me. Sit here and read it NOW."

LNK: "Oh, yeah, the I love you thing. Um, I love you so much I forget how tempermental and strict and unreasonable you can be when I'm not at a save spot even 45 minutes after the 45 minutes you gave me on the Wii is up and make me shut it off ANYWAY, even though I couldn't SAVE, so much so that I will unflinchingly look you right in the eye right after forgetting to bring home anything to study AND after having Wii privileges taken away for going over my time limit, and will ask you to play Wii, because even though you can be really grumpy I love you so much that I think you're the best mom. Ever. Even though I told you when I was five that Lucas' mom is the best mom because she yells less, I still think you're one of the best moms."

BNM: "Wait, I just went from 'the best mom' to 'one of the best' in a sentence."

Littler Nutcase: "MO-om, I SAID I love you, now COME over here and READ to me!"

LNK: "Well, can I play Wii?"

BNM: "Can pigs fly?"

LNK: "As my religion test might say, and which I know because I studied in school already for the last five minutes of homeroom and will do really well on the final even though you're mad i didn't bring home my books, with God, anything is possible."

BNM: "I think that might be 'Nothing is impossible with God.' "

Littler NK: "Awww, you're STILL not reading to me!"

LNK: "Either translation would still mean that pigs might fly."

BNM: "Saying that they might, or that it is possible or not impossible, doesn't mean they CAN at this moment, just as the fact that it is not impossible that I would grant you Wii time doesn't mean I WILL. Because I won't."

LNK: "But don't you know how much I love you?!?!?"

Littler NK: "Well, I don't love her very much, she's not READing to me!"

BNM: "Are you SERIOUS? I love YOU so much I will manage to only yell, not scream, that you can't be irresponsible about your schoolwork and then expect me to forget that you already have no Wii privileges and let you have Wii!!!"

LNK: "But what ELSE am I going to do, I don't have any homework because of finals!"

BNM: "Because you're supposed to be STUDYING!!!"

LNK: "But I don't have my STUFF!"

BNM: "Whose fault is THAT? You can do chores, empty the dishasher..."

LNK: "You gave that job to Richard because he has so much less homework than I do!"

BNM: "You don't HAVE any today because you didn't bring home your books!"
Little-but-older-than-littler Nutcase Kid: "Why doesn't HE have homework? Grrrrrrr, why do I always have so much homework?"

BNM: "I love you, but don't START with the homework whining, it's a single worksheet. YOU, go empty the dishwasher! And that's only going to be the beginning!"

LNK: (grunt and groans of protest)

BNM: "Yeah, well, I love you so much that I still love you at this point, even though it's only because you're lucky you're CUTE! Because THIS is a ridiculous conversation!"

L-B-O-T-L-N-K: "My HOMEwork is ridiculous!"

Littlest NK: (dead serious, low, threatening voice): "You're not reading to me yet. I'm waiting."

Love them to the moon and back? Hey, with God anything is possible, but it won't be a peaceful trip, that's for sure...